Archive for the 'Jokes' Category

All In Perspective

One day , the father of a very wealthy family took his son on a trip to the country with the express purpose of showing him how poor people live.
They spent a couple of days and nights on the farm of what would be considered a very poor family.
On their return from their trip , the father asked his son , “How was the trip?”
“It was great , Dad.”
“Did you see how poor people live?” the father asked.
“Oh yeah , ” said the son.
“So , tell me , what did you learn from the trip?” asked the father.
The son answered:
“I saw that we have one dog and they had four.
We have a pool  that reaches to the middle of our garden and they have a creek that has no end.
We have imported lanterns in our garden and they have the stars at night.
Our patio reaches to the front yard and they have the whole horizon.
We have a small piece of land to live on and they have fields that go beyond our sight.
We have servants who serve us , but they serve others.
We buy our food , but they grow theirs.
We have walls around our property to protect us , they have friends to protect them.”
The boy’s father was speechless.
Then his son added ,   “Thanks Dad for showing me how poor we are.”
Isn’t perspective a wonderful thing? Makes you wonder what would happen if we all gave thanks for everything we have, instead of worrying about what we don’t have.
Appreciate every single thing you have , especially your friends!
Pass this on to friends and acquaintances and help them refresh their perspective and appreciation.
“Life is too short and friends are too few.”
This thoughtful little story was sent to us from Sherry Moyen

Bought the Wrong Horse

If you could use a chuckle take a look at this one.

Thanks for this fun item to Bobbie Niwa of Muddy Acres

The Cowboy & The Yuppie

A cowboy named Bud was overseeing his herd in a remote mountainous pasture in Alberta, when suddenly a brand-new BMW advanced toward him out of a cloud of dust.

The driver, a young man in a Brioni suit, Gucci shoes, RayBan sunglasses and YSL tie, leaned out the window and asked the cowboy, “If I tell you exactly how many cows and calves you have in your herd, will you give me a calf?”

Bud looks at the man, obviously a yuppie, then looks at his peacefully grazing herd and calmly answers, “Sure, why not? Continue Reading »

Potential Danger of Horse Hair

A friend sent me this one. A bit of fun.

Potential Danger of Horse Hair… This is a public service announcement.

In a press release today, the National Institute of Health has announced the discovery of a potentially dangerous substance in the hair of horses. This substance, called “amobacter equuii” has been linked with the following symptoms in females:

  • Reluctance to cook, clean or do housework.
  • Reluctance to wear make-up, good clothes or heels.
  • Reluctance to spend money on home or car repairs until after “baby” has trimmed hooves, pad, blanket, tack, grain, hay & supplements.
  • “Amobacter equuii” usually results in long hours away from home and exhaustion which may lead to a loss of physical contact with other humans (especially husbands).
  • “Amobacter equuii” is thought to be addictive, driving the need for additional sources – this may lead to a “herd mentality” or, like the potato chip commercial, “you can’t have just one”.

Beware! If you come in contact with a female human infected by this substance, be prepared to talk about horses for hours.

Surgeon General’s Warning: Horses are expensive, addictive and may impare the ability to use common sense.

“Amobacter equuii” is usually found in females but can occasionally infect males as well.

Dog & Cat’s Diaries

Some more humour for the holidays.

dog

Excerpts from a Dog’s Diary……

8:00 am – Dog food! My favorite thing!
9:30 am – A car ride! My favorite thing!
9:40 am – A walk in the park! My favorite thing!
10:30 am – Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing!
12:00 pm – Lunch! My favorite thing!
1:00 pm – Played in the yard! My favorite thing!
3:00 pm – Wagged my tail! My favorite thing!
5:00 pm – Milk bones! My favorite thing!
7:00 pm – Got to play ball! My favorite thing!
8:00  pm – Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favorite thing!
11:00 pm – Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing! Continue Reading »

Honest Harry’s New & Used Horses

I can save you money on gas!

Alright folks, step right up! You don’t want to pay $4.69 for gas, no problem, I have the perfect vehicle for you. Needs no gas, no oil, or even a battery, just a little grass and water will do these animals fine. Now everyone has different needs, so choose from the following models:

1. Trail Horse – Your average run around town animal. Has the energy to get where you are going, the brain to find the best way to go, big enough to carry the normal sized American. Continue Reading »

The Wisdom of Children

The first grade school teacher had twenty-five students in her class and she presented each child in her class the first half of a well known proverb and asked them to come up with the remainder of the proverb. It’s hard to believe these were actually done by first graders. Their insight may surprise you. Continue Reading »

Racehorse Joke

A new jockey starts work at a new stables and is about to compete in his first race. The owner of the horse comes to him and says he has a great ride and should win:

“All you have to do is this. As you’re coming to a fence say, ‘5 4 3 2 1 JUMP,’” Continue Reading »

If You Are Moving to Alberta – humour

Received this from a client tonite. Some of this is remarkably good advice.

Regarding the 12 NEW rules for entering Alberta:

  1. Bring your own house.
  2. If going to the Oil Sands, bring your own house, school and hospital.
  3. If going to Edmonton, wear your flak jacket. This is the murder capital of Canada. Continue Reading »